a haiku

fluids run swiftly

like a bubbling autumn stream

from my frozen nose

a long awaited finale

so i got fired today.

not fired, really, since i'd already quit.
just a short meeting with the principal, both of us talking at each other. stating the bluntly obvious
you're young/you're inexperienced/you need more freedom.
told him i was grateful for the opportunity to learn; was thanked for working so diligently.
nothing special, but the air has been cleared. which is somewhat nice.

shortly after the eerily familiar yet amicable split with the school, it hit me.
this is all i've wanted for two months.
bittersweet revelations as i realised that i only have nine classes left until i'm set back into the wild to, for the hundredth time, be dubbed the 'new chick'. once again.
<breaks for minute-long sigh>
not particularly elated, but not bothered either. i'm used to this.

so for the next three weeks i'm stuck in a very awkardandfilledwithanticipation kind of limbo type deal.

naturally, i'll turn to some solid books and dumplings for comfort.

at this point, i'm experiencing a weird and highly unexpected visit from mr positivity. looks like i accidentally spilled some optimism on myself.
little voices keep chanting, "the next city. the next one. you will make it your bitch." and "go tessa, go tessa" and so on. very unbecoming.

winter break soon.
maybe i'll go back to yangshuo for a visit.

looking to old faithful for some courage:

"take the pieces and build them skywards"

mon the biff !

so this is what they warn you about

CULTURE SHOCK (noun)

"1. the feeling of disorientation experienced by someone when they are suddenly subjected to an unfamiliar culture.

SYMPTOMS MAY INCLUDE:
a feeling of sadness or lonliness
an over-concern about your health
headaches, pains, and allergies
insomnia or sleeping too much
anger, depression, vulnerability
idealising your own culture
trying too hard to adapt; becoming obsessed with the new culture
overwhelming difficulties caused by small problems
feeling shy and insecure
obsession with cleanliness
overwhelming sense of homesickness
feeling lost and confused
questioning your decision to move to this new place 

(the list goes on) "

allegedly, there can be up to five separate stages of culture shock that a person faces. the intensity of the different stages varies from person to person. but the game is pretty much played by the same set of rules. these generally follow the lines of "the more prepared you are going in, the less shock you will encounter."

the first stage - THE HONEYMOON PHASE

it says that the honeymoon phase leaves one drenched in jet-lag and full of wonder.

it's the time when one is purely fascinated by the language, the people, the food - that the trip seems altogether remarkable.

the flaws you encounter seem less like flaws and more like little charms.

the smog, the noise and light pollution, the disregard for privacy - these are all a testimony to your brave soul, your open mind. you eat it up in one swift chomp.

the second stage - THE NEGOTIATION PHASE

so this is when the differences between the old culture and the new one become distinct.

this supposedly leads to the first fits of anxiety. unpleasant feelings start to surface.

feelings of frustration and anger as one perceives "unfavourable" events.

cultural barriers become undeniable and intimidating.

one starts to become unsure of what they can handle.

they question things like whether they can handle living in an apartment without a western toilet.

the friendly, accented cries of "hello" from the natives seem less endearing and begin to feel ironic and misplaced, mocking even.

why wouldn't they just say 'nǐ hǎo' ? do they think you're a moron?

the third stage - THE REINTEGRATION PHASE

this one's the real bitch.

your new home becomes your worst enemy.

settling into a routine, you being to hate everything about the place.

the people, sounds, food, language, attitudes - it's all sickening.

you begin to idealise your homeland, dreaming of the forgotten paradise that you left behind.

pangs of homesickness become debilitating. you leave work early because being in that office one more second would make you shout obscenities at the top of your lungs, which you know you would later regret. because you aren't a hateful person.

one starts to experience feelings of depression, isolation and loathing, at an all-time high.

   and yet you'd rather stay at home alone than venture out and make friends because at least at home you can envision something like your idealised paradise.

the fourth stage - THE AUTONOMY PHASE

 this is allegedly when things start to click into place. the "first stage of acceptance".

one finally begins to feel like oneself again, regaining some form of normality. the tiny things that seemed like the end of the world are now so familiar that you decide that you can live at peace with them. 

the isolation, loathing, depression - all subside as you free yourself by granting the others around you a little freedom.

you start recognising noticeable patterns - haggling, eating, spitting. these suddenly become little signs proving that you are where you're meant to be. that you didn't make a mistake coming here.

the final stage - THE INDEPENDENCE STAGE

 the sweet spot. the motherload. the reason you did this ridiculous and foolish thing.

you are completely yourself again.

you embrace your new life and see everything in a "new yet realistic light". 

you are past being a mere blip on the radar of your own life and you become accustomed to the joys of being a global citizen.

you have learned.

you have regained intent.

currently, being in the passionate throes of stage three restricts me from hoping that i'll ever reach this "independence" business that everyone's all swoony about. i fucking hate china. but, this too shall pass. right?  

tapping out

perhaps the reason i haven't written in so long is because i've shared all there is to share about the complex and unremarkable city of panyu.
saw something tonight that has readied me for packing my bags and heading to a new city.
while i was walking home from my last evening class with the beloved adult students, i saw an overturned dustbin, secreting loads of waste and filth.
not an uncommon sight for the city, but caught my attention this time when i noticed something moving in amongst the rubbish - took a closer look and unfortunately, got a glimpse of a little kitty, helpless in the wreckage.
this cat had obviously been the result of a classic night of promiscuity for two of the hundreds of other cats in the area, all left to roam the streets. the dear unloved thing was then starved and stuffed into an old shopping bag, only to be thrown in a bin with the rest of china's finest squander.
this sucks. big time. watched helpless as cat lifted its head with a voiceless cry, arms outstretched, begging for a second chance while passersby gave nothing but a second glance.
this really sucks.

so this is to be expected, they say, feelings of resentment while trying to accustom yourself to a new culture and a new country. but this has nothing to do with culture and no one should accept the inability of others to take responsibility. to care for a creature that you're accountable to.

so for now i'm tapping out of panyu, moving to another city couldn't come soon enough. i'm not asking for rainbows and faeries and unicorns. and it's helpful - learning to take the good with the bad.
but my feet are itching and this scene has been tried and tired.

i really miss yangshuo.

neuter your pets, people.
and stop littering for pete's sake.
it's been a long week.

because i know you're probably waiting for a new post

love you, mum!

messages to friends

been lacking in time and energy for a while, keeping blogging to a minimum until i have a stride in my step and put some spirit in my spirit.
in a mean time, an update through a message to a friend.

"well, as well as being on a diet mainly of oranges, bananas and cracker nuts, i'm currently a hermit.
but i'm choosing to savour every minute of it - stick it out and what not. mum offered to send some cash this way but i'm accepting no bail-outs. when times are tough, they're tough and shit's just gotta sort itself out.
halfway through the month though so i'm currently marveling at my hidden talent of self-preservation.
 haha.

 i'll check out my finances tomorrow and see if a bus trip that side is in the cards! would be delightful and very necessary buut shall have to consult my bank account. at least i'm saving 3000 rmb in yangshuo by default,right?

anyway, enough about that.
emailed ping about my issues with the school. gotta stick it out here until the new term but it's not so far away. then i'm thinking liuyang or chengdu, huai'an, even.
have heard great things from other buckland slaves. maybe kids would be better in another situation but after teaching here, i can honestly say i have paedophobia. haha.

i think my sense of humour is just a little more "passive" than running around a classroom screaming at the top of my lungs.
and i think i love english too much to teach it.
don't have patience with kids who have no regard for how absolutely bloody intriguing the language is. sick of little brats running around, demanding "games games games" when i'm throwing the most psychedelic and bewildering mind games at them with english !
this is not the least bit fair of me, since it's not their first language and they are just tiny tots, after all. thus, i have reached a conclusion - there was, nor will there ever be a teacher as just plain bad as i am.

i think i can just hide it better with adults. and the classes are more entertaining for me - better topics, more laughter. it's the only conversation i get these days anyway. despite social networking which is just not enough, man.

as for the kid who not once, but twice, said "fuck you" to a teacher? exactly what i'm talking about man.
where is the love? respect ! kids these days...
my student, austin, has taken a liking to the phrase "piece o' shiat". would try to discourage him from saying it, but. i love it too much. his accent combined with it is just. a day-maker.

buut ja, i'm babbling now. haha sorry
think moving to china has aggravated a formerly-dormant case of verbal diarrhea. shit man. anyway, made a decision cause of it - gonna study linguistics when i get home. just stoked on the idea of a new school so that i can finally start doing some living while i'm here, not just anticipating - you know?
keep in touch, dribble ! x"

on spreadin' love and living life

in tonight's epic installment of teacher tessa and the chinglish connoisseurs, we broke away from the prescribed textbook mambo-jumbo and had a lesson based on cultural figures. the topic? influencial, inspirational homies in history. 

after spending the whole day piecing together and cutting down the biographies of some greats, i was about as enthused as eeyore.
walked in assuming that it'd be a lesson packed with tireless teacher-talking; no student input and no stimulating conversation. have never been more wrong and more delighted to be so.
ultimately - ended up teaching the students something, learning something from those crazy cats. most surprisingly though,  almost feels like i taught myself something? doubt i can claim overtime for this but no matter - for the first time in weeks i feel purely inspired.

albert einstein, the beatles, rosa parks, audrey hepburn, honest abe, helen keller, mother teresa, princess diana, amelia earhart, ghandi.

the tales of these incredible people have been tried and told by every teacher, storyteller, mother, father, leader. although only a few examples of some truly courageous characters, i shared their stories with the class who swallowed their tales up in one swift gulp.

handing each student a short summary of one of the above icons, i asked them to read, summarize and tell the class about who they were and what they stood for.

waaaw man. i really mean it - just. geez. yoh. 

initially daunted by the fact that the complicated word structures and intimidating vocabulary might push the class too far; into a more blasé, "who gives a rat's ass?" attitude; ended up being just plain impressed by the students' performance.

incredulous, i listened as these barely second language speakers took these big words, even bigger ideas, and wholeheartedly preached the most basic, most fundamental messages. all on behalf of the greats who all went through tireless struggles for such simple creeds. love, man. love. all you need is love.

ogling over their pictures, we read quotes, biographies, discussed ideals and possibly even came up with the way to acheive world peace - all in completely unintelligible english.
so for the first time in too long - i'm inspired to live in love ! love life ! live love !

so, covered in tonight's lesson (and thus a lesson relearned by a teacher).

-- listed respectively as seen in the list of the groovy homies above -- :

1. "don't letting people make tell what you can't do"

2. "all you need is love"

3. "fight for what is right - don't be scary" (scared)

4. "be beauty inside and outside"

5. "do the good thing, no matter what."

6. "you can do all thing, no matter your trouble."

7. "spread love. like peanut-butter."

8. "be kind without want reward"

9. "you can challenge others even if you are anything."

10. "fight with peace, no violence."

these nearly unreadable phrases are so basic, so present in the human mind, that not even language barriers can prevent us from revelling in their ideals.

and so now i'm just like, sitting here. so thankful for a day of cooling rain and sipping on a pearl river and mellowing out to the beatles with revivified ears and just loving everything, even things i don't want to. 

on my way home i wanted to be an authentic chinese citizen, so i tried out my first very public and extremely gnarly spit.
first and last time.
maybe there are some things one should not love. quite ewwy things.

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

REALLY GOING TO MISS MY ADULT CLASS WHEN I'M GONE. COUPLE O' GEMS.

that's the way it ought to be

after a dismal attempt at breaking away from becoming a creature of routine - i mimed for the cab driver to turn back around.

"your friend...?" he tried in broken english.

"i'll call her, go pink kang lu." i try in even brokener english. 

already shamed by the fact that my directionless self has gotten us lost in the quest for a bar on "ying bin lu", i was not about to admit to this kindly, strange chinese cab driver that i'm travelling alone. sola, seul, ina n-aonar, what have you.

after testing my minimal mandarin on this clearly cantonese speaking lad, i give up and mime for him to just drive while i smoke.

was so looking forward to a night in a pub with some robust works of literature and a whiskey or two or three. unfortunately, my navigational skills are likened to that of a rock.

at least a rock knows where it sits.

so for now i'm still lost without even being in motion. but after another far out yoga binge, i've spent a delightful evening free of lesson plans and instead jammed-packed with the recitation of some stellar poetry. i'm quite sure the mosquitoes nesting in the corners of my room have been thoroughly entertained by my rhythmic chants.

have read this one plenty before, stood out tonight though. 

i thank You God for most this amazing

by ee cummings

1894-1962

i thank You God for most this amazing

day:for the leaping greenly spirits of trees

and a blue true dream of sky;and for everything

which is natural which is infinite which is yes

(i who have died am alive again today,

and this is the sun's birthday; this is the birth

day of life and of love and wings: and of the gay

great happening illimitably earth)

how should tasting touching hearing seeing

breathing any - lifted from the no

of all nothing - human merely being

doubt unimaginable You?

(now the ears of my ears awake and

now the eyes of my eyes are opened)

_____________________________________________________________________

finding things to be thankful for.

see you next fall

currently sitting in the beloved cubicle, not taking even the smallest second to give two shits about tonight's lesson.

naughty naughty.

instead i felt like i was long overdue for some blogging, and listening to some cheeky jamie t has gotten me feeling a bit inspired, a bit brazen and ballsy.

feel like that word is most wonderful and definitely underrated - ballsy.

we all lack a bit of testicular fortitude now and then.

awoke this morning, covered from head to toe in red, swollen bites. great testimony to my self control that i'm not rubbing my back up and down all over my work colleagues' chairs or something. been pulling a very subtle baloo and making it seem that perhaps i really just want to dance. even thinking about it makes me fantasize about lying in a large golden tub of ice cold petroleum jelly. somebody scratch me.

 "i'm gone, man. solid gone."

back to jamie t, the combination of some sweet sweet tunes, some charming vocals and a really happy start to the morning can do wonders for your procrastination habit.

looks like i'll be winging tonight's class. oh dear.

it would also appear that the blazing, infuriating humidity that has been plaguing me since i first got to china, has finally decided to chill the fuck out.

was in a delightedly jolted state when i walked outside and realised that my hands weren't immediately clammy. how odd. looks like autumn is finally making it to the party, the little diva.

have spent the past few days pondering all things great and small, stewing in billowing clouds of smoke and whatnot. and it feels a bit like i'm winning something back today, almost like venturing out into the wild after some time in hibernation. what's with the bear references today ? time for a scratch, a banana and a smoke...

"they think we're fools sitting on the corner/

older you get, the more like your father/

the more i drink, the more like my brother/

seem to have picked up on a callous trait."

jamie t - spider's web

always look on the bright side of life

past couple of days have catapulted me out of the sweet serenity experienced while hiking up world wonders. 

(((miss all the colourful treats in beijing))

today set me right back to square one. alas, alack ! the real world is back.

after a full day of sitting in a cubicle, mindlessly clicking my way through articles about everythingandnothing, i returned home with some fried rice and tasty veggies.

chowing down followed by a little meditation and a very mellow yoga session has left me cool as a cucumber and ready for a midnight chat with my tiny wing !

looking forward to spending some more time on yoga, gets me all grounded n shit.

listening to 'guys eyes' (animal collective) on loop tonight.

"i really want to do just what my body wants to

i really want to do just what my body needs to

if i could just hold all the thoughts in my head

and keep them for you" 

a day later

one black-out sleep, a class, some rice and six bananas later, to be more precise.
still a bit fuzzy but on the road to normality and in a fit of sporadic grins.
flashbacks of one peculiar set of memories from a mix 'n flurry of activity in china's capital - they got me giggling.
.
.
.

some highlights:

day one / meet up with chris-dribble at baiyun / coffee and chat / board plane / take off / 'take off your pants and jacket' paired with some mindless doodling / landing / cab ride / arrive at leo /

leo hostel. mad quaint. little place with a 24hr bar and an inside courtyard type-deal; sunroof and water feature. like i said, mad quaint. instantly at ease, i slip into holiday-mode. felt a bit like misplacing my favourite sunglasses only to find them chilling smugly on my noggin. finally, a breather.

reunite with maggie and miss priss / prattle on and on and on / faff / finally suanter to bar / drink / drink / burger / meet bing !

bing: what a treat. used to work with chris-dribble and so kindly offered to treat us to some real beijing, acting as tour guide, translator and new friend.

off to tian'anmen square / packed to the brim with people / too many / too much / photobomb escapade with miss priss / more drink / a long awaited tequila (.heaven.yoh.) / bottle of red / peking duck ( yum ) / back to leo / sweet sleep.

day two / wake up / caffeine / meet with bing and driver / hour of driving and chats / breakfast / fragrant hills / 

fragrant hills: despite the shattered serenity and the surplus of faces, there was something so peaceful about this place. walked up flights of stairs to the garden, finding the most enchanting little temples, each one with a different buddha. a 'no photos' rule ensures that the tiny buildings are kept as sacred as can be amongst an ocean of people; who are all looking to say a little prayer and wonder at the marvelous structures. fragrant hills, masked by incense and permeated with wishes for good fortune and good times. replenished with untried perspective and renewed hope ! hooray !

'let's climb to the top' / begin climb / fuckin smoker's lungs / wheeze for the first 20 minutes / halfway-point break / suck it up and endure / stop wheezing / start embracing / higher and higher / practice some mandarin by counting steps in chinese / reach 'yi-bai-lieu', get bored / just walk / the top ! / 

finally reaching the destination, feeling rejuvinated, i cast my eyes down to see the wondrous view of the mountain i had just made my bitch. looking over, i spied the majestic and vast view of beijing's finest smog. what a pity. i do miss fresh air.

hour in a queue / cable seat to the bottom / sneak a smoke / share some offensive jokes with chris-dribble / rush back to car / race bing to train station / back to leo / another night out / meet an australian fellow - jezza / sit at tiny bar / smoke a hookah / play some kings / back to leo / crash-sleep. 

day three / wake up / grab some bananas and bread / meet tour guide and rest of group / nap on bus / arrive at the great wall / 

the great wall: is really great. after daring to face countless steps again and finally being of sound mind, in a place not polluted with people, i finally started to take it in. the wall mostly had me thinking about how often english speakers misuse the word 'great'. 

take a seat on the edge of this treacherous and beautiful wall. tune out and just stare on for a second. start to grow smaller and smaller. look around and suddenly find that you're merely a gnat, hovering about without intent and without a clue. finally finding something so massive, with such an undeniable presence, makes you feel like a microscopic ignoramus. in the finest way. that feeling is truly just - greatness.

run back down the wall /  begrudgingly head back to bus / nap on bus / back to leo / take a breather / another night out / meet london-girl / meet up with jezza / smoke a hookah / tell some stories / drinkdrinkdrink / meet a chinese fellow and some swedes / 'follow us to a club called "fubar"' / get in taxi / arrive at not-fubar /  go in anyway / commence jamming and vigorous alcohol intake / end up on stage to boogie with somerandoms and maggie / catch bubbles on my tongue / more drink / more dance / more drnik / mroe dnace / mroema dinrk / dmoaar dansnsa / maeokmklsmdalksmf...

hop into cab / free chinese lesson from driver / forget everything instantaneously / back to leo / pass out / alarm an hour later / sleep on / prodded awake by chris-dribble / late late late / back to airport / a day full of wretched transportation to paradise-bed.

and here i sit. with too many stories and too little space. no time and no patience to say much more. words don't cover it. only your mind will ever really know, you know? 

like i said before, a camera would come in handy.

words just too blah.

beijing: the aftermath

after four days, three nights and roughly ten hours of sleep in between, i think can still muster up a few words.

well i hope i can. probably not.

still, gotta get this down.

might take a while.

might be a bit not right

here goes nothgin nothing:

what am i.

nope.

(just. wow)

more later.

for now, some alice.

In another moment Alice was through the glass, and had jumped lightly down into the Looking-glass room. The very first thing she did was to look whether there was a fire in the fireplace, and she was quite pleased to  find that there was a real one, blazing away as brightly as the one she had left behind. 'So I shall be as warm here as I was in the old room,' thought Alice: 'warmer, in fact, because there'll be no one here to scold me away from the fire. Oh, what fun it'll be, when the see me through the glass in here, and can't get at me!' 

rice to water

this past week -  one messed up puppy. 

in preparation for national week, the yangshuo gang has been plotting and scheming for a trip to beijing.

unsure whether i'd have enough money and the comfort of getting my passport back, i put off booking for as long as possible.

and here i am, the day before, half a wreck and ready now, more than ever, for some serious alcohol intake. (sorry mom and dad, but really.)

first, a week full of lessons. 

as usual my weekday adult classes went swimmingly, or something close to it.

but saturday. my my my.

his name is tony and i wish he had never stumbled into my life.

tony is eight years old and the most dreadful creature i've yet to encounter.

after two and a half hours of trying to soothe and calm the little demon, i gave up. sick of the fidgeting, copy-catting, light-on-and-off-disco-switching and ear-piercing screaming, i gave the little bugger a look that someone really scary might find moderately threatening.

too eager for class to end, i reluctantly started a game of duck, duck, goose; which would inevitably make one little girl cry. needless to say, i gave her a gold sticker that lesson.

after my older, afternoon class restored some hope; i went home and passed out. utterly drained.

after spilling coffee on my laptop, laptop breaking, me about to screw the trip and buy a new laptop, laptop fixing itself - things finally started to look up. had secured my passport and ticket to beijing and the week's classes were done. but i had yet to receive my monthly salary. i foolishly put off booking the return ticket. then the universe so graciously threw me another curve ball.

to avoid eternal shame, i'll block out the rest of the story and skip to the most dreadful part - the sonsofbitches at the bank blocked my guilin bank card.

apparently i have to return to yangshuo to unblock it, which i have neither the time nor money for. i need to access my account to get money, i need money to access my account. starting to feel a bit too much like a character in a joseph heller novel.

with the help of my school principal the nightmare has been postponed - til i get back from beijing, anyway.

and with further help from my new favourite person - dj dribble - i have a return ticket!

(thank you muchly, christopher!)

god bless fluent english speakers.

i'm ready to block out the past week, and next week. for now, beijing is all there is.

we can sort the fuzzy bits out after some down-time.

on another note: have been reevaluating the optimum proportion of rice to water, in order to obtain that supreme sticky and nommy rice-factor in a meal. these experiments have yet to be concluded, as i have found myself more in the noodley-mood lately. suggestions welcome.

(( top 5 knee-slapping, side-splitting names on my class registers:))

   5. sheldon

   4. fanny

   3. happy

   2. strawberry

   1. milk (?!)

happy national day, folks.

worker bees and questionable cheese

finally !
some rain. not the measly five minute drizzle that has been letting loose every now and then, either. this is rain, how it should be.
so here i sit, inspired by my shabby balcony with the view of more shabby balconies. it all looks quite regal in the rain.
masses of freshly washed laundry hanging from windows, railing and long hollowed out pieces of bamboo. a few socks, some shirts, is that a pair of calvin klein briefs i see? you go, guy.
just hung my whites up. stupid ink stain, be gone with you.
did i mention that nothing beats the sound of rain on a tin roof?

moving swiftly along - after three days of no work, no play, some cleaning, eating and mostly sleeping, i'm finally awake. stopped off at a bakery on my way to the office and wandered around, looking for something to ease my "western cravings". stumbled upon a large, triangular-type eat called "cheesy bread". sounds legit? you'd think. due to a staggering lack of refrigeration in china - dairy products are not ideally what you'd find in every store. yet there i was, looking into the face of what appeared to me as god, sent to subdue my hankering for some homemade mac and cheese. in reality, of course, it was literally just - cheesy bread. no bother - i like to keep it simple. devoured the entire thing in a minute flat and found myself thinking only one thing - how is cheese in china so sweet? what do they do to it? and surely cheese is not usually that colour or texture? what's up with the fridges in this place, too? tiny and barely a chill. these are questions that i am determined to find answers for.

when i got to the office i found myself mentally repeating the same thing i had been thinking since i first arrived - i'm an office worker. i sit in a cubicle, i plan lessons, i teach the lessons. it's almost as if one never thinks that going to another country is going to ever propell you into a conventional system of days spent working, cooking, cleaning and sleeping. yet here i am, a worker bee, working for the man. this leaves me with little time to explore and too much time to think and write up silly words for silly blogs.

the journey has already begun and i'm on this ride with no experience, no sense of caution, and no place to keep any cheese.
and this is not necessarily a negative thing. just feels like i have a lot of catching up to do with the world. what better place to start than here?

tsingtao for mid-autumn

06:30. alarm goes off, press snooze
06:45. alarm goes off, press snooze
07:00. alarm goes off, press snooze
07:15. alarm goes off, press snooze
07:30. alarm goes off, press snooze
07:45. alarm goes off, press snooze
08:00. fuck!

"hey dakota, alarm didn't go off, running late - be there in five !"

mid-autumn festival in china is chaos. swarms of smellysweatysmiley folks clambering to get on the train to the heart of gaungzhou. cameras everywhere. envy envy envy. thought about mugging someone and claiming "proudly south african", but this is besides the point.

walked around aimlessly for a bit, dipping and diving through the calamity. got hungry. where should we eat? macky-dees. and lo and behold ! still just as crappy in china. gimme some noodles man.
hopped on to another bus to shamian island, now this was a treat. the little europe of china. old buildings, ancient trees, selfies being taken left right and center.
saw so much, too much.
saw a kitty, called the kitty, kitty ignored.
saw sculptures depicting things i couldn't describe, even in writing.
saw the worst squatty-potty i've ever seen. used the worsed squatty potty i've ever seen. the good times keep on rolling.

hopped on another bus to a garden. like kirstenbosch on crack. followed the path for millions of meanders, sat on some grass, sang some songs, smoked a smoke and got famous for having blue eyes. they'll take a photo of anything or anyone here.

one by one we scattered, off to family or homestead. in my case, back to my flat for two cans of tsingtao and the most amazing ice cream i've ever tasted. it's like a layer-sensation. what is this even? biscuit? oreo? i don't know but i will eat it.

i'm really tired. it's been a good day. happy mid-autumn festival everyone.

one fat hen, a couple of duck

elated, delighted, ecstatic !
euphoric, even ! wowzers.
had the first real breakthrough with my class tonight.
two weeks with a class of ten eighteen to thirty-something year olds, too ambitious, all wanting to walk before they can crawl.
two weeks of trial and error, and tonight's class was a success !
after timidly introducing my love for dreaming as tonight's topic, conversation was attacked enthusiastically from all directions! all the while using past simple tense to interrupt past continuous ! so proud of my little worker bees.
hooray ! spiked my energy levels through the roof.
never thought actually teaching people something could benefit someone so much. c'est putain incroyable!
had further laughs after introducing the non-drinking-drinking game 'One Fat Hen'. needless to say, the word 'frolicking' can be easily misheard as something quite crass when paired with some excitement and a chinese accent.
walking home, listening to 'walk like an egyptian', completely forgot where i was and started havin' a little boogie half way home. the ladies at the local bakery are just going to have to deal with me dancing by if classes keep going this way.
a lot to learn still, but more on that later.

three days off for mid-autumn festival, when i'll have my first taster of guangzhou nightlife. couldn't begin to express the severity of my tequila craving. i cannot wait for this.

on another note:
pro of living alone: can walk around sans pantaloons
con of living alone: i had a conversation with a dishcloth today.

to the market !

asked my foreign affairs officer where i can buy goods for my house, besides the tiny 7/11 next to my school. the cashiers there look at me funny and say things to me in chinese. have a feeling they're questioning how many snickers bars i eat. can't blame me for havin' an insatiable sweet tooth.
so, to the market we went !
walked in to a gargantuan room with vegetable, fruit and meat stalls. live fish swimming in little sinks. live frogs, turtles, eels. all ready to fall victim to a murderous shopping list.
walked in, walked straight out.
overwhelming smells, sights, sounds, smiling faces, frowning faces - assaulting me from every direction.
next to the food section, more stalls with more things and things and things. where do i even begin?
a veritable feast of thrifting.

this is my pick 'n pay for the next year.

now let's make some breakfast and restock the cupboards.
bread jam pasta peanut butter coffee sugar tomatoes rice eggs mushrooms onions broccoli bitter melon cashews make up remover body wash new lighter incense  smaller pots and pans a bread knife

MEMO TO ME - first paycheck, find a camera.

the prelude

i abhor people telling me what to expect.

sit waiting in the spur smoking section at cape town international airport.  i hate spur, i hate smoking sections.
'it's going to be epic. an adventure.'
'you'll have the time of your life.'
'it's gonna be a shock but you can handle it.'
 
shaking hands, i light another smoke.
i hate cigarette smoke, that smell.
 
'you'll settle in quickly, i know you.'
'a year goes by so quickly.'
'you'll make a lot of friends.'
 
smoke in my eye, blinded. can't they open a window in this place?
'nearly time, i should get going.'
 
saying goodbye, most sucky. but i get on the plane anyway.
cape town to joburg, two hours, earphones in and eyelids shut. joburg to hong kong, thirteen hours, open a book, "going to china? you'll love it, lemme give ya some advice -" close the book, earphones in, eyelids shut. hong kong to guilin, earphones in, eyelids wide open, staring at my fellow countrymen-to-be for the next year. i could shout curses at the top of my lungs with a smile on my face and they wouldn't even know. 

arrive in guilin, heavy bags. why did i pack so much shit? thanks for helping anyway, mum.
walk out to to be received by a little bearded man named BB.
"what's your name?"
"tessa."
"i can give you chinese name.
小沙.(Xiǎo shā). it means little sand."

and so it begins.