how to disappear completely

“There was only one catch and that was Catch-22, which specified that a concern for one's safety in the face of dangers that were real and immediate was the process of a rational mind. Orr was crazy and could be grounded. All he had to do was ask; and as soon as he did, he would no longer be crazy and would have to fly more missions. Orr would be crazy to fly more missions and sane if he didn't, but if he was sane he had to fly them. If he flew them he was crazy and didn't have to; but if he didn't want to he was sane and had to. Yossarian was moved very deeply by the absolute simplicity of this clause of Catch-22 and let out a respectful whistle.

"That's some catch, that Catch-22," he observed.

"It's the best there is," Doc Daneeka agreed.” 

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so the culmination of my time in panyu now all feels like some nightmarish purgatory that i've very suddenly escaped from and i'm back in yangshuo and it's the closest feeling to coming home that i've had in a long time. finally my highly irritating pleadings to the heavens have gotten me grounded. whether i'm certifiably insane or not is still a question unanswered.

greeted by a pitch black, icy night covered in haze; and two very friendly faces - beyond and liuhai - was once again entranced by the wondrous nature that surrounds guilin. the silhouettes of these looming mountains got me feeling all tingly and special again.

so back to happy hotel, in the city where i was first renamed and welcomed into what can be a very unwelcoming place. 

going back to square one isn't always so terrible.

the only difference is that i am unaccompanied, unshackled and absolutely hopeful this time round.

looks like the marvelously debilitating fits of anxiety are set to subside for a while. school holidays were always and will always be the shit. 

will be joined by  the wonderful christopher in a couple of days. until then, my only intention is to grab a bicycle and disappear completely. feel much less conspicuous in this town and infinitely more daring. for now, tessa has left the building. might even put on a show and practice my french skills while i'm still free of obligation.'je ne parle pas anglais'. 

because for the next month, i am so done with english.