that's the way it ought to be

after a dismal attempt at breaking away from becoming a creature of routine - i mimed for the cab driver to turn back around.

"your friend...?" he tried in broken english.

"i'll call her, go pink kang lu." i try in even brokener english. 

already shamed by the fact that my directionless self has gotten us lost in the quest for a bar on "ying bin lu", i was not about to admit to this kindly, strange chinese cab driver that i'm travelling alone. sola, seul, ina n-aonar, what have you.

after testing my minimal mandarin on this clearly cantonese speaking lad, i give up and mime for him to just drive while i smoke.

was so looking forward to a night in a pub with some robust works of literature and a whiskey or two or three. unfortunately, my navigational skills are likened to that of a rock.

at least a rock knows where it sits.

so for now i'm still lost without even being in motion. but after another far out yoga binge, i've spent a delightful evening free of lesson plans and instead jammed-packed with the recitation of some stellar poetry. i'm quite sure the mosquitoes nesting in the corners of my room have been thoroughly entertained by my rhythmic chants.

have read this one plenty before, stood out tonight though. 

i thank You God for most this amazing

by ee cummings

1894-1962

i thank You God for most this amazing

day:for the leaping greenly spirits of trees

and a blue true dream of sky;and for everything

which is natural which is infinite which is yes

(i who have died am alive again today,

and this is the sun's birthday; this is the birth

day of life and of love and wings: and of the gay

great happening illimitably earth)

how should tasting touching hearing seeing

breathing any - lifted from the no

of all nothing - human merely being

doubt unimaginable You?

(now the ears of my ears awake and

now the eyes of my eyes are opened)

_____________________________________________________________________

finding things to be thankful for.

see you next fall

currently sitting in the beloved cubicle, not taking even the smallest second to give two shits about tonight's lesson.

naughty naughty.

instead i felt like i was long overdue for some blogging, and listening to some cheeky jamie t has gotten me feeling a bit inspired, a bit brazen and ballsy.

feel like that word is most wonderful and definitely underrated - ballsy.

we all lack a bit of testicular fortitude now and then.

awoke this morning, covered from head to toe in red, swollen bites. great testimony to my self control that i'm not rubbing my back up and down all over my work colleagues' chairs or something. been pulling a very subtle baloo and making it seem that perhaps i really just want to dance. even thinking about it makes me fantasize about lying in a large golden tub of ice cold petroleum jelly. somebody scratch me.

 "i'm gone, man. solid gone."

back to jamie t, the combination of some sweet sweet tunes, some charming vocals and a really happy start to the morning can do wonders for your procrastination habit.

looks like i'll be winging tonight's class. oh dear.

it would also appear that the blazing, infuriating humidity that has been plaguing me since i first got to china, has finally decided to chill the fuck out.

was in a delightedly jolted state when i walked outside and realised that my hands weren't immediately clammy. how odd. looks like autumn is finally making it to the party, the little diva.

have spent the past few days pondering all things great and small, stewing in billowing clouds of smoke and whatnot. and it feels a bit like i'm winning something back today, almost like venturing out into the wild after some time in hibernation. what's with the bear references today ? time for a scratch, a banana and a smoke...

"they think we're fools sitting on the corner/

older you get, the more like your father/

the more i drink, the more like my brother/

seem to have picked up on a callous trait."

jamie t - spider's web

always look on the bright side of life

past couple of days have catapulted me out of the sweet serenity experienced while hiking up world wonders. 

(((miss all the colourful treats in beijing))

today set me right back to square one. alas, alack ! the real world is back.

after a full day of sitting in a cubicle, mindlessly clicking my way through articles about everythingandnothing, i returned home with some fried rice and tasty veggies.

chowing down followed by a little meditation and a very mellow yoga session has left me cool as a cucumber and ready for a midnight chat with my tiny wing !

looking forward to spending some more time on yoga, gets me all grounded n shit.

listening to 'guys eyes' (animal collective) on loop tonight.

"i really want to do just what my body wants to

i really want to do just what my body needs to

if i could just hold all the thoughts in my head

and keep them for you" 

a day later

one black-out sleep, a class, some rice and six bananas later, to be more precise.
still a bit fuzzy but on the road to normality and in a fit of sporadic grins.
flashbacks of one peculiar set of memories from a mix 'n flurry of activity in china's capital - they got me giggling.
.
.
.

some highlights:

day one / meet up with chris-dribble at baiyun / coffee and chat / board plane / take off / 'take off your pants and jacket' paired with some mindless doodling / landing / cab ride / arrive at leo /

leo hostel. mad quaint. little place with a 24hr bar and an inside courtyard type-deal; sunroof and water feature. like i said, mad quaint. instantly at ease, i slip into holiday-mode. felt a bit like misplacing my favourite sunglasses only to find them chilling smugly on my noggin. finally, a breather.

reunite with maggie and miss priss / prattle on and on and on / faff / finally suanter to bar / drink / drink / burger / meet bing !

bing: what a treat. used to work with chris-dribble and so kindly offered to treat us to some real beijing, acting as tour guide, translator and new friend.

off to tian'anmen square / packed to the brim with people / too many / too much / photobomb escapade with miss priss / more drink / a long awaited tequila (.heaven.yoh.) / bottle of red / peking duck ( yum ) / back to leo / sweet sleep.

day two / wake up / caffeine / meet with bing and driver / hour of driving and chats / breakfast / fragrant hills / 

fragrant hills: despite the shattered serenity and the surplus of faces, there was something so peaceful about this place. walked up flights of stairs to the garden, finding the most enchanting little temples, each one with a different buddha. a 'no photos' rule ensures that the tiny buildings are kept as sacred as can be amongst an ocean of people; who are all looking to say a little prayer and wonder at the marvelous structures. fragrant hills, masked by incense and permeated with wishes for good fortune and good times. replenished with untried perspective and renewed hope ! hooray !

'let's climb to the top' / begin climb / fuckin smoker's lungs / wheeze for the first 20 minutes / halfway-point break / suck it up and endure / stop wheezing / start embracing / higher and higher / practice some mandarin by counting steps in chinese / reach 'yi-bai-lieu', get bored / just walk / the top ! / 

finally reaching the destination, feeling rejuvinated, i cast my eyes down to see the wondrous view of the mountain i had just made my bitch. looking over, i spied the majestic and vast view of beijing's finest smog. what a pity. i do miss fresh air.

hour in a queue / cable seat to the bottom / sneak a smoke / share some offensive jokes with chris-dribble / rush back to car / race bing to train station / back to leo / another night out / meet an australian fellow - jezza / sit at tiny bar / smoke a hookah / play some kings / back to leo / crash-sleep. 

day three / wake up / grab some bananas and bread / meet tour guide and rest of group / nap on bus / arrive at the great wall / 

the great wall: is really great. after daring to face countless steps again and finally being of sound mind, in a place not polluted with people, i finally started to take it in. the wall mostly had me thinking about how often english speakers misuse the word 'great'. 

take a seat on the edge of this treacherous and beautiful wall. tune out and just stare on for a second. start to grow smaller and smaller. look around and suddenly find that you're merely a gnat, hovering about without intent and without a clue. finally finding something so massive, with such an undeniable presence, makes you feel like a microscopic ignoramus. in the finest way. that feeling is truly just - greatness.

run back down the wall /  begrudgingly head back to bus / nap on bus / back to leo / take a breather / another night out / meet london-girl / meet up with jezza / smoke a hookah / tell some stories / drinkdrinkdrink / meet a chinese fellow and some swedes / 'follow us to a club called "fubar"' / get in taxi / arrive at not-fubar /  go in anyway / commence jamming and vigorous alcohol intake / end up on stage to boogie with somerandoms and maggie / catch bubbles on my tongue / more drink / more dance / more drnik / mroe dnace / mroema dinrk / dmoaar dansnsa / maeokmklsmdalksmf...

hop into cab / free chinese lesson from driver / forget everything instantaneously / back to leo / pass out / alarm an hour later / sleep on / prodded awake by chris-dribble / late late late / back to airport / a day full of wretched transportation to paradise-bed.

and here i sit. with too many stories and too little space. no time and no patience to say much more. words don't cover it. only your mind will ever really know, you know? 

like i said before, a camera would come in handy.

words just too blah.

beijing: the aftermath

after four days, three nights and roughly ten hours of sleep in between, i think can still muster up a few words.

well i hope i can. probably not.

still, gotta get this down.

might take a while.

might be a bit not right

here goes nothgin nothing:

what am i.

nope.

(just. wow)

more later.

for now, some alice.

In another moment Alice was through the glass, and had jumped lightly down into the Looking-glass room. The very first thing she did was to look whether there was a fire in the fireplace, and she was quite pleased to  find that there was a real one, blazing away as brightly as the one she had left behind. 'So I shall be as warm here as I was in the old room,' thought Alice: 'warmer, in fact, because there'll be no one here to scold me away from the fire. Oh, what fun it'll be, when the see me through the glass in here, and can't get at me!' 

rice to water

this past week -  one messed up puppy. 

in preparation for national week, the yangshuo gang has been plotting and scheming for a trip to beijing.

unsure whether i'd have enough money and the comfort of getting my passport back, i put off booking for as long as possible.

and here i am, the day before, half a wreck and ready now, more than ever, for some serious alcohol intake. (sorry mom and dad, but really.)

first, a week full of lessons. 

as usual my weekday adult classes went swimmingly, or something close to it.

but saturday. my my my.

his name is tony and i wish he had never stumbled into my life.

tony is eight years old and the most dreadful creature i've yet to encounter.

after two and a half hours of trying to soothe and calm the little demon, i gave up. sick of the fidgeting, copy-catting, light-on-and-off-disco-switching and ear-piercing screaming, i gave the little bugger a look that someone really scary might find moderately threatening.

too eager for class to end, i reluctantly started a game of duck, duck, goose; which would inevitably make one little girl cry. needless to say, i gave her a gold sticker that lesson.

after my older, afternoon class restored some hope; i went home and passed out. utterly drained.

after spilling coffee on my laptop, laptop breaking, me about to screw the trip and buy a new laptop, laptop fixing itself - things finally started to look up. had secured my passport and ticket to beijing and the week's classes were done. but i had yet to receive my monthly salary. i foolishly put off booking the return ticket. then the universe so graciously threw me another curve ball.

to avoid eternal shame, i'll block out the rest of the story and skip to the most dreadful part - the sonsofbitches at the bank blocked my guilin bank card.

apparently i have to return to yangshuo to unblock it, which i have neither the time nor money for. i need to access my account to get money, i need money to access my account. starting to feel a bit too much like a character in a joseph heller novel.

with the help of my school principal the nightmare has been postponed - til i get back from beijing, anyway.

and with further help from my new favourite person - dj dribble - i have a return ticket!

(thank you muchly, christopher!)

god bless fluent english speakers.

i'm ready to block out the past week, and next week. for now, beijing is all there is.

we can sort the fuzzy bits out after some down-time.

on another note: have been reevaluating the optimum proportion of rice to water, in order to obtain that supreme sticky and nommy rice-factor in a meal. these experiments have yet to be concluded, as i have found myself more in the noodley-mood lately. suggestions welcome.

(( top 5 knee-slapping, side-splitting names on my class registers:))

   5. sheldon

   4. fanny

   3. happy

   2. strawberry

   1. milk (?!)

happy national day, folks.