so this is what they warn you about

CULTURE SHOCK (noun)

"1. the feeling of disorientation experienced by someone when they are suddenly subjected to an unfamiliar culture.

SYMPTOMS MAY INCLUDE:
a feeling of sadness or lonliness
an over-concern about your health
headaches, pains, and allergies
insomnia or sleeping too much
anger, depression, vulnerability
idealising your own culture
trying too hard to adapt; becoming obsessed with the new culture
overwhelming difficulties caused by small problems
feeling shy and insecure
obsession with cleanliness
overwhelming sense of homesickness
feeling lost and confused
questioning your decision to move to this new place 

(the list goes on) "

allegedly, there can be up to five separate stages of culture shock that a person faces. the intensity of the different stages varies from person to person. but the game is pretty much played by the same set of rules. these generally follow the lines of "the more prepared you are going in, the less shock you will encounter."

the first stage - THE HONEYMOON PHASE

it says that the honeymoon phase leaves one drenched in jet-lag and full of wonder.

it's the time when one is purely fascinated by the language, the people, the food - that the trip seems altogether remarkable.

the flaws you encounter seem less like flaws and more like little charms.

the smog, the noise and light pollution, the disregard for privacy - these are all a testimony to your brave soul, your open mind. you eat it up in one swift chomp.

the second stage - THE NEGOTIATION PHASE

so this is when the differences between the old culture and the new one become distinct.

this supposedly leads to the first fits of anxiety. unpleasant feelings start to surface.

feelings of frustration and anger as one perceives "unfavourable" events.

cultural barriers become undeniable and intimidating.

one starts to become unsure of what they can handle.

they question things like whether they can handle living in an apartment without a western toilet.

the friendly, accented cries of "hello" from the natives seem less endearing and begin to feel ironic and misplaced, mocking even.

why wouldn't they just say 'nǐ hǎo' ? do they think you're a moron?

the third stage - THE REINTEGRATION PHASE

this one's the real bitch.

your new home becomes your worst enemy.

settling into a routine, you being to hate everything about the place.

the people, sounds, food, language, attitudes - it's all sickening.

you begin to idealise your homeland, dreaming of the forgotten paradise that you left behind.

pangs of homesickness become debilitating. you leave work early because being in that office one more second would make you shout obscenities at the top of your lungs, which you know you would later regret. because you aren't a hateful person.

one starts to experience feelings of depression, isolation and loathing, at an all-time high.

   and yet you'd rather stay at home alone than venture out and make friends because at least at home you can envision something like your idealised paradise.

the fourth stage - THE AUTONOMY PHASE

 this is allegedly when things start to click into place. the "first stage of acceptance".

one finally begins to feel like oneself again, regaining some form of normality. the tiny things that seemed like the end of the world are now so familiar that you decide that you can live at peace with them. 

the isolation, loathing, depression - all subside as you free yourself by granting the others around you a little freedom.

you start recognising noticeable patterns - haggling, eating, spitting. these suddenly become little signs proving that you are where you're meant to be. that you didn't make a mistake coming here.

the final stage - THE INDEPENDENCE STAGE

 the sweet spot. the motherload. the reason you did this ridiculous and foolish thing.

you are completely yourself again.

you embrace your new life and see everything in a "new yet realistic light". 

you are past being a mere blip on the radar of your own life and you become accustomed to the joys of being a global citizen.

you have learned.

you have regained intent.

currently, being in the passionate throes of stage three restricts me from hoping that i'll ever reach this "independence" business that everyone's all swoony about. i fucking hate china. but, this too shall pass. right?